Because THIS really matters...

!

2005-11-18T05:47:33Z

www.invisiblechildren.com

Enter the Site.

Go to trailer.

And open your eyes. Watch. Help do something for the kids in Africa who have nothing, but are afraid of everything.

Watch it. Feel it. Act on it.

Discover the unseen.

no_big_thing @ 2005-11-09T21:00:00

2005-11-10T05:03:35Z

I need to figure out my thoughts. I need control over how I feel. I need someone to tell me specifically what is wrong.

Too bad I found the person, but he passed me off to someone else who really doesnt have time for me.

And too bad it seems like my depression sufaces more often.

Too bad I can't survive yearbook, because even when I am on top of the job, I'm still yelled at.

Too bad I suck at school this year.

And too bad, no matter what I do...

I cause pain to the world around me. Because I'm ignorant and a horrible person that no one should even trust.

If only I was allowed to put the knife to my neck and just take it all away... would things get that much better?

I just need to be here to accomplish God's will... no matter the pain.. I'll get trhough this?

TALENT SHOW DAYYYY!

2005-11-08T19:03:32Z

3rd period. 11:00am. 8 hours until show time. I'M SCARED TO DEATH!!!! =\ Save me! <e ps.. Girl's group was freakishly awesome yesterday! Moe played guitar and sang, I played guitar and sang and I saw Hannah Banana .. all in all.. it was a great night. AHHHHH! I'm scareddddd for tonighttttt... around 7:20 pm.. send out a prayer to God that I calm down, because I am act 6 and I know around 6:20 I'll be FREAKING OUT! so please... prayyyyyy that God reveals He is there with me! =]

no_big_thing @ 2005-10-27T18:24:00

2005-10-28T01:25:36Z

Apparently I have a long way to go. And I'm afraid to do it alone, so I'm crying out once again.

God, You're all I have.

no_big_thing @ 2005-10-25T12:47:00

2005-10-25T19:51:44Z

I don't like awkward situations. Especially when I'm stuck with alot of information in my head and its between my best friend and her boyfriend who is also my friend.. yeah. She needs to talk to him.. not me..

the thing that sucks is, I don't think she knew I was going to be asked questions by him.

Yikkkessss!

help?

no_big_thing @ 2005-10-23T21:25:00

2005-10-24T04:25:49Z

tercers2themax: no matter what anyone says..you are the best
tercers2themax: and that God has blessed me so much witha friend like you
tercers2themax: i thank Him each night that He gave me you
tercers2themax: i've seen you struggle so hard..yet pick yourself up and still live on
tercers2themax: it inspires me a lot
tercers2themax: its makes me try harder

one more day to survive.

no_big_thing @ 2005-10-17T21:31:00

2005-10-18T04:33:08Z

Kick the f*ker out of the house! KICK HIS GOOD FOR NOTHING, LAZY, FAT, UGLY, DRUG-ADDICTED, ALOCHOLIC, LOW LIFE OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE HIM ALMOST AS MUCH AS I HATE MY MOM WHICH IS ALMOST AS MUCH AS I HATE LIFEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

You guys don't even understand how messed my home life is. Be thankful for your families. I don't even have one.

no_big_thing @ 2005-10-15T15:54:00

2005-10-15T22:56:07Z

So last night I almost killed myself and Katie in *2* different car accidents... scary shizzle. hahah! But i avoided both by being an (illegal) defensive driver! A for babssss! <3 Girls Group Mondayyyy! Cow girl dress upp!!!!!! So EXCITED! <3 =]

Ps.
It's finally fall weather! yay! <3 The faster fall comes, the faster it goes which brings on winter and Christmas and basketball games at school, and then SPRING where all the school ditching happens and alot of missions preparations! <3 anddddddd! Then. Graduation! =] No more high school. yessssss!!!!!

no_big_thing @ 2005-10-11T08:31:00

2005-10-11T15:37:02Z

I just realized that this was all recorded on my teachers computer... hahahah! so.. that was a news flash. Lets see, what else is new?

Well, I've been singing worship at church quite a bit lately... its cool, because I love doing it! I'm singing with Hannah Ellis tomorrow!

I've finished the country mix CD for Mal. I added more songs and other things! wooo!

Ps.
Nessa! I love you, girl! And thats all that matters! hahhaha! <3

pps,
Today I'm going to try to change the minds of the guys in my band! hahaha! I hate calling it my band.. ugh... it sounds lame. hahaha! but I want to do the Sky Sweetnam song Number one. hahaha! <3 THANKSSSS NINA!!!!!! =]

yeahh..

2005-10-10T15:49:05Z

So uh, yeah. I like being a TA! I get to go on the computer when Im done with my work! Besides, Mrs. Powers is awesome anyway.. hahah!

So basically, yesterday I decided I'm going to try to be silent more and listen ot what is going on. Maybe it'll make it easier on me when I'm trying to be a better person. Because if I dont open my mouth than I cant get upset about as many things, because I wont be the one whos getting chewed out for opinions. And, I plan on being a brighter light for God. Thats my main goal right now.

And, I also plan on staying after school more often so I can talk to Mrs. Whitby a little more often! <3

no_big_thing @ 2005-10-07T23:12:00

2005-10-08T06:26:05Z

I try so hard to understand the things around me. Everyone. Everywhere. And I get frustrated so easily. I get angry and scared. I close off, because I don't want to face anything. I fear change and it scares me when I can do nothing within my power to stop it from happening. And as of right now, I feel like things are spinning out of control and I have only one person to go to, but I can't go to him. I don't want him to get the wrong perspective of me. Because I want to look like I'm constantly getting happy, stronger, better. Not seem like I'm falling away from whats good. So in the long run, I feel alone. I feel that God can't hear me. That Hes up there, and here I am, down here. I KNOW that Hes right behind me, telling me its ok, but I cant feel it.

And I hate these moments, where I have to pause and think about things. And try to straighten out the thoughts that I don't really understand. Because it makes me think about how much God has done for me, and here I sit typing at a damn computer saying that I can't feel Him. Its selfish, but its scary. Because these moments. where I feel like there's nothing left, I have to realize its not my time yet. And I have to keep breathing and keep going. And it seems like that alone, is God given strength.

And here I sit. Forcing my thoughts out.. but I'll never be able to get them all straight and out of the way. And I guess I just want to know when, where, and how things are going to work out. Because I have to constantly force myself to believe that things will be ok. There are good times and there are bad times. But I just hate the fact that the bad can out number the good. And I'm just waiting for God to finish this trial. Obviously not waiting patiently, but waiting. Worshiping. Keeping up. Praying. Crying. Hurting. Trying. Faking. Dying. Hoping. but ultimately, waiting.

no_big_thing @ 2005-10-07T23:05:00

2005-10-08T06:05:25Z

God I'm alone...

I'm so damn alone.

Pretty much everyday...

2005-10-08T04:39:20Z

Finally...

lol

Dear Tudor,

I'm writing you again today...

*sigh*

hahah!

no_big_thing @ 2005-10-07T15:59:00

2005-10-07T23:00:38Z

When I die. I'll die alone. And I bet $5 you wouldn't notice I was gone.

heyy

2005-10-04T04:57:09Z

So I went to Girl's Group tonight and it was SOOOOOO fun! I love thsoe girls! They are amazing! And I havent had a good talk with Mallori in forever and it has been forever since we brainstormed country songs, too! Man oh man! Good times! And I saw Hannah Banana and Moe! Good day! good day!

And girlll, Mal... that CD is IN THE MAKING AS WE SPEAK! <3 =)

what chu want?

2005-09-27T13:46:44Z

So my counselor finally dropped my math class. And now I'm a TA for Mrs. Powers first period! <3 Yessss!!!!!!!! School keeps getting better and better.. except for the fact that I hate people... yeah.

no_big_thing @ 2005-09-25T17:30:00

2005-09-26T00:35:35Z

So.. today! I hung with Nina and it was funnnn! =]

We went to Main Place and we ate at Olive Garden.. MMmMmMm.. and then we went to C28 and bought purses with matching wallets, then we went to Pac Sun and bought shirts! Then we shopped around some more and we stopped by See's candy and I bought some candy for me and Nina, but mostly for me! hahaha!

Yay! Fun day!

O.. btw. I led 3rd service at church and sucked. I think I just need more practice and then maybe I'll get better? Because I sucked when I first started singing on the worship team, too..

O well.

Still a good day! =]

w/e

2005-09-25T04:23:07Z

I just realized how uncool I was because my Lj posts are long. And I dont link them. psh.

Good Times for sure.

2005-09-24T18:57:07Z

Sp yea.. yesterday was a pretty darn good day. School was alright.. boring/funny as usual. In Civics we played the basketball review game where you answer a question right and you shoot a tape ball into the waste basket for more points. And Jessica Pham went up to shoot and she missed and Mr. Morris was all "Hey Jessica! Whats this? :points to a brick:" Jessica: "Um.. a brick.." Mr. Morris: "Thats right.. a BRICK!"

I pretty much died of laughter.

Then me and Theresa found a loner hangout spot for us behind Mr. Rivero's portable.. hahah! And then when he was letting kids back in for class.. we popped out of nowhere and started banging on the back window.. HAHAHAH! He thought we were crazy...

Then after school.. Jen gave me a ride home. But before that I broke her car window and then we went to Boba Loca where I was the only white person! hahahahahahah! Good times! And then we sang O-Town in the car.

Then that night Me, Katie V, Nina, Theresa, Rachael, Katie S, and Bruce went to Rain Forest Cafe at Down
Town Disney. Ate yummy food, and Bruce and I kinda had a food fight! hahaha! I got tomato seeds on my pants.. =(, but it was still fun. Then we went to watch Just Like Heaven which is an absolutely adorable movieeeee!!!! <3 I cried... hahahahahah! Hardcore! And they played Amos Lee - Colors in the sad part which made me cry more.. hahaha! It was good times.

Then as we were walking out to the cars, Nina, Me, and Katie S, ditched Theresa and Rachael and we got to the car and locked all the doors and they started banging on the window screaming "OMG GUYS! OPEN UP! THERE IS A HOMO WITH A CROWN THAT WANTS TO RAPE US!!!!!!!!!!" hahaha! So after they got in the car and we were leaving, we had to go through the place where you pay for how ever long you were parked. And we got stamps for extra time at Rain Forest, but on the thing it said $10 and nina was all "WHAT?!?!" but it wasnt for us.. so she was all relieved, b ut I told her even if it was for us she should have just stepped on the gas and broke through that wood barrier thing and flipped the license plate and sped away! hahahaah!

Then we talked about Tudor. Who WILL be my prom date this year. Mark my words.

Or the guy from church I like.......
who no one knows... or maybe Mal does, but she hasnt told me who she thinks it is, but if shes right.. I'll laugh.

K thats it.

Throat hurts.. ow?

2005-09-23T04:04:55Z

So this one time. There was this one guy. On the worship team at my church. Who I absolutely adored! And now. Its driving me insane.. hahahah!

Dont ask who it is, because I wont tell you.

Is he younger or older? Tall or short? Guitar bass and/or drums??? Hm????

Yeah.. You'll never knowww!

Thats right. I have a crush on a guy at church.. w/e.

Even though I'm pretty much still in love with Tudor? What would be freakin funny is if he had one of these things.. actually... that would kinda suck.. =(

Throat hurts.. ow?

2005-09-23T04:03:56Z

So this one time. There was this one guy. On the worship team at my church. Who I absolutely adored! And that I couldn't stop thinking about.. and now. Its driving me insane.. hahahah!

Dont ask you it is, because I wont tell you.

Is he younger or older? Tall or short? Guitar bass and/or drums??? Hm????

Yeah.. You'll never knowww!

Thats right. I have a crush on a guy at church.. w/e.

Even though I'm pretty much still in love with Tudor? What would be freakin funny is if he had one of these things.. actually... that would kinda suck.. =(

hi

2005-09-21T05:39:18Z

Sickkkk! =( O well.. hey um.. Meet at The Pole tomorrow. I'm leading worship. Its at the big flag pole at GGHS in front of the school.. yeah.. I don't know what time so if you want to come show up at 7:30 and I think that should be good? Prayer. Verses. And some worship. It should be a fun little morning devotion! <3 Hope to see ya there!

The Christian I need to be

2005-09-19T05:35:39Z

So I'm going start spending time trying to figure out why I'm really here. The only reason I know for sure is to serve my Lord, Jesus. But sadly enough, sometimes it seems too hard to bare and that it would be so much better to die.. and then I think.. Jesus Christ probably didn't WANT to die, but He HAD to. Thats what His purpose was. To die for me and you and the rest of the world.

Such a far beyond thought that not one person can comprehend. They measure it to the unbreakable, unchangeable love that God has for us as a Father, but I really don't think anyone can really understand how much He loves us. I know I'll never know.

But to know that my life alone was worth physically saving one cold morning in the shower, when I was ready to take my life is so amazing. He intervened and I didn't have enough physical strength to fight God off. And it wasn't until I went to a youth retreat that I realized, at that one moment when I cried out to God desperately needing Him in my life, that I found He was already there and He already saved my life. He already had heard my desperate cries for help, before I knew He had.

And when I finally realized that He was there the whole time. I actually felt love for once. Being that I come from a horrible home (as you can tell from past entries).. I'm forced to look at my situation in a positive light.

I don't know God's plan. Although He is slowly letting me see what He has in store for me, I'll never really know what my purpose was until I see Him face to face. And I can't wait until that day comes.

I can't wait for the day I can praise God for more than just a 30 minute worship service. I can spend time with Him for more than just a church service or a devotion. And I wonder if I'll even be able to stand there with my head up looking at Him, knowing that He is the one who SAVED MY LIFE.

So for now, I just have to bare with all the heart ache and the pain that seems endless. I know one day, in heaven, I'll be rewarded for my faithfulness and dedication . And that no worldly thing on Earth will ever be able to amount to that prize! Oh the day! <3

I need God desperately. I still make mistakes and lose sight and that is why I need His consistency. Because He consistently has His eye on me....

I just need to consistently have my eyes on Him.

please.... KILL ME!

2005-09-17T03:57:23Z

So my birthday breakfast that was supposed to be tomorrow was canceled. By me. Because even on my birthday, my family still seems to succeed at making my life horrible.

I was so excited.

And now I just want to hurry it up and skip it.

I wish I was never born! I seriously WISH I was never born.

Because it feels like I was only born to be the person people use as their anger escapes. To be used as a person to be treated like shit so they can feel better.

Well I hope they are happy. I'm miserable like always here so they should be....

God, I want to die. I want to die so bad....
I wish I had the guts to just take my life tonight, but I have a fear of not going to heaven.. if only that wasnt a sin, I would be laying dead right now.

Jennifer is a freakin Genious!

2005-09-16T06:26:22Z

So I'm in a way better mood now that Jennifer made me laugh until I almost peed my pants! Good times fo sho! <3

Jennifer, what would I do without you? =]